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Past, Present, Future, the ghosts of life

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"Available" for 19 years did not mean much in the end. I got to watch children grow outside of my influence, start a career, then another, and now looking at a "retirement" job after finishing school.
The longer we wait, the less likely it seems that we'll find just what we wish and hope for. I used to bounce when I landed, now it seems more like a "splat". Trust me, long story, you've got bits and pieces over the blogs. I can't say anymore just what it is that I seek, only that after all these years, the disappointments have weighed heavily against the hopes.
I truly hope this doesn't sound familiar to you, or depressing, because to be honest, it is only mildly so. I have dreams and hopes, and plans in place to see my future become reality. I may be on Plan Q, but that doesn't mean it was a bad ride for the most part. Still, the one thing that I would change is the fact that it HAS been 19 years as "available", looking for "you".